when I drive, God speaks...

I really believe the LORD speaks to me most when I'm driving, particularly when I'm going a long distance alone...

Two weeks ago today I began my journey home from Denver to Indianapolis. When I left Denver, it was a beautiful, sunny day; and as the warmth of the sun penetrated into my car, I could feel God's love surrounding me. I continued to drive east and eventually had to stop to put gas in my car. When I got out of my car, it was overcast and extremely windy--I was literally being pulled this way and that. I got back into my car and headed for the interstate. Shortly after I got back on the road, it started snowing and the roads were becoming increasingly worse due to the poor weather conditions. I began to feel a little nervous and scared as I was losing control of my car on the slippery roads. It finally began to calm down, and as I drove on it became very foggy. I could not see much to my left or right, or what was behind me in my rearview mirror, but I could see clearly the taillights of the car in front of me. Then, I passed out of the fog and into a place that was very dry and brown. It was an area that was withering away and needed to be refreshed and replenished with rainfall. At the end of the day came a beautiful sunset.

So how does all this relate to what God was speaking to me? I think He was showing me that these are often the different seasons of my walk with the Lord. Sometimes it's sunny and everything is going great...other times it's really windy and I'm being tempted and pulled this way or that by Satan...there are times when I'm nervous or scared of losing control in the midst of chaos...during times of intense fog, I can choose to follow the Lord instead of going to the left or right or even looking into the past...I have gone through seasons of spiritual dryness, where I need to look to Him to replenish me and fill me up...and the beautiful sunset at the end of the day represented a time of comfort, where I can just rest in God's arms and enjoy His beauty!

wait on the LORD. trust.

glorify His name.

it's all for You, Jesus.

On Saturday as I was driving down to Jasper I began to get this word picture in my head about God's direction on my life. Before I left, I had plugged in the address to Mapquest and printed out directions on how to get to Dan & Karen's farmhouse. I had been there a few times before but had never driven it myself. Sometimes God takes us places with other people as we attempt to go along for the ride, not knowing exactly how they got there...

As I was driving, I began noticing some of the directions from Mapquest were a little off, so I just kept following the signs to stay on the particular road I needed to be on. Then I realized, isn't that how God so often works in our lives? He may reveal to us our end goal (destination) and we often plan out or write down how we think we will get there. Then, all of a sudden, as we are actually going through life, he may achieve His purpose in us or through us a little differently than we had originally mapped out. We must be albe to discern His spirit when we are in the moment, and choose to follow where He leads. In the end, we finish where God had originally called us to go, but our means to get there may have been slightly altered because God's plans are so much better than ours and we could never orchestrate things so perfectly like He does. Our thoughts and plans are limited by our earthly thinking capacities, but God sees all things and works them together for our good. What an awesome, sovereign, powerful, holy God we serve!! Praise Him!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." --Jeremiah 29:11

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, who have been called according to his purpose." --Romans 8:28

Isaiah 61

"The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion--to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations.

Strangers shall stand and tend your flocks; foreigners shall be your plowmen and vinedressers; but you shall be called the priests of the LORD; they shall speak of you as the ministers of our God; you shall eat the wealth of the nations and in their glory you shall boast. Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy.

For I the LORD love justice; I hate robbery and wrong; I will faithfully give them their recompense, and I will make an everlasting covenant with them. Their offspring shall be known among the nations, and their descendants in the midst of the peoples; all who see them shall acknowledge them, that they are an offspring the LORD has blessed.

I will greatly rejoice in the LORD; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself wit her jewels. For as long as the earth brings forth its sprouts, and as a garden causes what is sown in it to sprout up, so the Lord GOD will cause righteousness and praise to sprout up before all the nations."

The Lord has led me to this passage a few different times this week. Usually that means He is trying to tell me something important :-) 

Father, I'm listening. Speak to me.

Remove the old stones...

So I was reading through Leviticus today and I came across this passage that I really feel like the LORD was speaking to me in regards to some areas of my life. It is in chapter 14 where the LORD is talking to Moses and Aaron about disease in the house. Bear with me for a second as I try to explain what I felt the LORD telling me. I feel as though I am the house in this situation...

"...he who owns the house shall come and tell the priest, 'There seems to me to be some case of disease in my house'...and he [the priest] shall examine the disease...and if it appears to be deeper than the surface...they take out the stones in which is the disease and throw them into an unclean place outside the city. And he shall have the inside of the house scraped all around, and the plaster that they scrape off they shall pour out in an unclean place outside the city. Then they shall take other stones and put them in the place of those stones, and he shall take other plaster and plaster the house. 

If the disease breaks out again in the house, after he has taken out the stones and scraped the house and plastered it, then the priest shall go and look. And if the disease has spread in the house, it is a persistent leprous disease in the house...and he shall break down the house...and he shall carry it out of the city to an unclean place...

But if the priest comes and looks, and if the disease has not spread in the house after the house was plastered, then the priest shall pronounce the house clean, for the disease is healed...so he shall make atonement for the house, and it shall be clean." --Leviticus 14:35-53

I feel as though there is "disease" in my life that I need to get rid of. I recognize what it is, and as I begin to examine it, I find that it is deeper than the surface. I need to allow the LORD to go in and remove the stones of disease in my life and take them so far outside of my life that there could be no way for them to creep back in. I need Him to scrape out the plaster of my inner being and replace the old stones and plaster with new eternal things that will last, and build up the Kingdom. In the past, I have not allowed God to fully remove the "disease" and cast it so far away that I could never go back to it. It has been a persistent leprous disease in my life, and I want God to break me down. Ultimately I want to be clean and healed as Christ has made atonement for my sin.

I hope you were blessed by this small revelation God has given me. I love you all so much and I pray that God continues to work in each and every one of your lives daily! Thank you for sharing in a little bit of my life...

accomplish YOUR purpose in me

"For as the rain and the snow came down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."

--Isaiah 55:10-11

LORD, this is my prayer--that You would accomplish Your purpose in me!

finding my purpose

Lately it has been hard for me to focus on the seemingly trivial tasks at hand as I look forward to the World Race.  I have been struggling to find my purpose for being here, in Colorado, during this specific period of time.  I am helping coach volleyball at CCU and I'm still involved with the youth group at my church, but all these things seem so small in comparison to what I will be doing a year from now.  I know I am exactly where God wants me to be right now, but that doesn't mean I do not still struggle with finding my purpose and identity.  

We had a tournament in Kansas this past weekend, and during the 7 hour drive on the way there, I listened to a sermon that hit me right where I was at.  It was as if God was speaking directly to me!  The whole thing was about finding our identity in Christ, rather than in what we do.  This seems to be a recurring theme in my life over the past few months as I have begun placing my identity in the wrong things, even though they are good.  The point of the sermon was that when we find our identity in the "good things" that we do, we begin to get prideful.  Even though we may not verbalize it, we are often thinking, "Look at all these great things I'm doing to serve the Lord," but often we are trying to do them on our own.  

I have been really convicted of this lately as I have begun preparing for my trip.  I put in a lot of time and effort working on my support letters and World Race blog, but I haven't been putting in much prayer.  Same with coaching volleyball and being a leader at youth group--I have just been going along through the day-to-day tasks, but I have hardly put any prayer into either of those.  I really need to be more intentional about covering everything I do in prayer and letting God use me and work through me.  

Last night as we were on our way home from Kansas (after winning 2 matches!!), I came across this verse in Exodus and it was really encouraging to me as I have been struggling with finding my purpose:

"For this purpose I have raised you up, to show you my power, so that my name may be proclaimed in all the earth."

--Exodus 9:16

That's all I need to know and I need to be constantly reminded of the fact that the reason I am here is to make His name great!  Glory to God!

Last night as I was reading in Hebrews 11, God really started speaking to me through the following verses and it was really encouraging as I really began thinking and questioning myself yesterday...

"By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going." (Hebrews 11:8)

I just really feel God telling me to obey him, and go where He has told me to go even though it is unfamiliar to me. So many times God uses unfamiliar and uncomfortable situations to bring us to a place of brokenness where we have to completely rely on Him. I truly think He uses these times of total surrender to teach us that He is all we need, and it is through these times that we grow and mature the most.

"If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had the opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one." (Hebrews 11:15-16)

This verse reminds me to look forward toward the vision God has given me and called me to as it is a part of His perfect plan. If I look back, I will want to stay in the comfort of the US; but as I continue to look forward at His will for my life I realize I am contributing to the Kingdom, which is really my purpose here on earth.

I am so thankful that God continues to speak to me and sustain me even through my doubts. He always remains faithful!!

No turning back now!

I have sent in my first round of paperwork along with my support letter and deposit for The World Race, which means I will be committed soon--no turning back! Some days I am so excited and can't wait to leave, while other days it still seems so far away and I feel like I'm not ready at all. I get on the World Race website almost daily and read blogs posted by people who are currently on the trip. I love reading their stories and looking at pictures, knowing that will be me in a little less than a year! The sermon at church yesterday was about having a vision and how it pulls you forward in life, so you don't get stuck in a rut or complacent. This is so true in my life as I look forward to this next year, and ultimately the World Race!

Volleyball starts today. It's really weird not being there for all the boring first-day-of-preseason meetings. It is definitely a good feeling though. I feel like I ended last season with a bang, so that brings closure. I'm not hoping and wishing I had another season to get out there and prove myself. Senior season was the best I could have ever asked for in every way! The best group of girls, great coaches and athletic director, and I think I played the best I ever have. I truly began to understand what it means to play for Christ and giving Him the glory!! That brings so much freedom that I have never had before!

As you may know, I will be helping with volleyball this year as a volunteer assistant coach. My role will be more of a spiritual leader than an actual coach, and I am so excited to still be able to pour into the girls this year!! I also get to practice and travel with the team, which will be so much fun! :) I am finishing up 3 general education classes online this fall, then student teaching in the spring. I will be graduating next May, and leaving for The World Race in July!

accepted!

Yesterday I had my One-on-One with a representative from AIM (Adventures in Missions).  Basically, she told me I was ACCEPTED into the program and she went on to tell me about the next steps of the process and sent me a ton of paperwork to read and fill out in the next couple of weeks.  As I began reading through it all yesterday, I had so many thoughts running through my head:  I am so excited to see what God has in store for me in this next year of preparation for The World Race.  I need to make sure I can take time off student teaching next spring to go to the mandatory 10-day training camp.  How in the world I will be able to fit everything I will need for a year into a bag that I can carry on my back?!  I have never been good at packing, but I have a feeling by the end of this trip I will be a master packer! :)

Through this whole process, this verse keeps coming up:

"He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it."

--1 Thessalonians 5:24

I have faith that since this is all part of God's plan for my life, He will somehow fit all the pieces together perfectly!

Update

Just thought I should give you all an update on the process...

I received an email from The World Race a few weeks ago saying if I completed my application by July 20th, I would still be eligible for the $13,800 trip.  Otherwise, the cost would go up to $14,300.  I sent it in on time and set up a phone interview, which I did last Thursday.  Thanks for all the prayers--it went really well!!  I got an email a couple days later saying to call sometime this week for a One-on-One and they will fill me in on the next steps of the process.  Things seem to be moving along, which makes me more and more excited every day!

On a more random note, I have decided to grow my hair out from now until I get home from the trip in July 2011.  I plan to donate it to Locks of Love when I return.  I have also decided to start trying something new (food) every day until I leave.  For those of you who know me, you have probably discovered that I am the pickiest eater you have ever met!  So far, I have tried orange chicken, fried rice, chow mein, and onions.  And last but certainly not least, I am working on reading through the entire Bible before I leave next July!  I have already learned so much and have been so blessed!!  I can't wait to see what else God has in store for me this year :)

Well, I think that's all for now...I will continue to keep you updated throughout this process.  I really appreciate your support!  Thank you and I love you all very much!

GO!

Last night I got some pretty awesome confirmation that I AM supposed to go on The World Race.  As I said in my last post, I have been feeling discouraged and not completely sure if this is what God wants, but after last night I can say without a doubt in my mind that it is part of His plan!  I have really been asking God to give me confirmation on the whole thing, and last night it was almost like He hit me over the head with a 2-by-4.  I was at a women's gathering for church and a pastor from India had come to speak.  He talked a lot about faith, which is something I would need a lot of to go forward with this trip.  God must have known that I still had some doubts, because at the end, Brother Harry Gomes began to pray for a good twenty minutes.  I did not understand a single word of his prayer until about halfway through when he said God was telling him that there would be a missionary rise up from that group of women.  She would travel to many different countries and help the people and children and tell them about God.  I was completely shocked.  Right then, I knew he was talking about me!  I just began crying and crying because I could not believe that I had ever doubted God.  When he was done praying, Diane went up and talked about how Harry had spoken some pretty awesome and prophetic words and if any of us feel like he was speaking to us we should go share it with her after.  She was looking straight at me when she said if we felt like we were the missionary he was talking about, come tell her so she can begin praying and talking about raising support.  We sang a couple more songs, then it was over.  I first went up to Jeanne Taylor (one of my moms out here in Colorado) and she asked me what the Lord spoke to me tonight.  I began telling her about the dream I have always had about going on The World Race and she immediately began praying for me.  Next, I went up to Nancy Swanson (one of my favorite ladies in the church) and told her the big news--that he was speaking to ME about missions!!  She said she already knew it--while he was praying, my name popped into her head when he was talking about a missionary!  We talked for a little while and I told her a little bit about the trip, then she prayed for me that I would be able to cast out the lies of the enemy and people telling me to not go.  Finally, I went up to Diane (the pastor's wife) and informed her of what God had been speaking to me.  She wasn't surprised either!  She also said that my face popped into her head as Harry was prophesying about a missionary emerging from the group!  As if that wasn't confirmation enough, I got an email from Diane earlier today and she said when she went home and told her husband Bryan (the pastor) that she had a chance to talk to me last night, he said he already knew before she even told him the details!!  What an awesome and mighty God we serve!!  

I need to raise $13,800 in the next year and I know without a doubt that God will somehow provide it!!  I will be leaving in July 2010, a little over a month after I graduate from CCU.  

Check it out at www.theworldrace.org

The World Race

A few years ago, I heard about a mission trip called The World Race (check it out at www.theworldrace.org) and I almost instantly decided I wanted to go on it at some point in my life.  As time went by, I kind of put in in the back of my mind and almost forgot about it until just recently--God has really been pressing it on my heart again.  When I tell people I'm looking into this mission trip that travels to 11 countries in 11 months and it costs $13,800 they usually tell me I'm crazy.  I began listening to the lies and feeling discouraged, telling myself that it will never happen.  However, as I was reading the book of Nehemiah sometime last week I began to glimpse a new hope.  God told Nehemiah to go and rebuild the wall, and Nehemiah obeyed.  Throughout the building process, people kept telling Nehemiah that it wasn't going to happen and that he should just give up.  But Nehemiah knew that since God had told him to do it, He would somehow make it work.  As I read this story, I really felt like God was telling me to stop listening to people and start listening to Him.  If it's truly in God's plan for me to go on this mission trip, He will provide everything I need to make it happen.  The first possible trip I could go on leaves a year from now, July 2010.  It's a pretty scary thing thinking about where I could be in a year!  Please join with me in praying for God's will to be revealed to me.

God's love

I just wanted to share some lyrics God has been singing over me lately...

"Ocean Wide"
The Afters

Look outside
It's already light and the stars ran away with the night
Things we're said, words that we'll try forget,
it's so hard to admit I know we've made mistakes
I see through all the tears but that's what got us here

[Chorus:]
If love is an ocean wide
We'll swim in the tears we cry
They'll see us through to the other side
We're gonna make it
When love is a raging sea
You can hold on to me
We'll find a way tonight
Love is an ocean wide

I'll stay right here
It's where I'll always belong
Tied with your arms
Days like this, I wish the sun wouldn't set
I don't want to forget
What made us feel this way
You see through all my fears
And that's what got us here

[Chorus]

Love is an ocean wide enough to forget 
Even when we think we can't

"Perfect People"
Natalie Grant

Never let 'em see you when you're breaking
Never let 'em see you when you fall
That's how we live and that's how we try
Tell the world you've got it all together
Never let them see what's underneath
Cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while

[CHORUS:]
There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scared
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God

Suddenly it's like a weight is lifted
When you hear the words that you are loved
He knows where you are and where you've been
And you never have to go there again

[CHORUS]

Who lived and died to give new life
To heal our imperfections
So look up and see out let grace be enough

[CHORUS]

By a perfect God [5x]

Be changed by a perfect God
Be changed

"Forgiven and Loved"
Jimmy Needham

Tell me I’m forgiven and loved 
‘Cause I hear it from the street corner priests 
On how God is love and how man can be clean 
But my joy has been on holiday 
And my peace has almost passed away 
Tell me I’m forgiven and free 

CHORUS
O I tried and tried to rectify my hopeless situation 
But I bought the lie I still have work to do 
Now I’m working nine to five like I can earn my own salvation 
But there is no condemnation in You 

O whisper to me now that it’s for real 
‘Cause in the silence of these walls righteousness lost its appeal 
Dirty deeds have done me in 
O but that can’t stop the faithful friend 
Giving mercy once again as You heal 
Here it is I’m feeling it 

(Chorus) 

O He died, He died to rectify my hopeless situation 
And His blood commands my guilt to leave 
Now on Calvary I stand 
Empty pockets, open hands 
O there is no condemnation for me 

(Chorus) 

Child, you’re forgiven and loved 
Child, you’re forgiven and loved 
Child, you’re forgiven 
And child, you are loved 
Child, you’re forgiven and loved 

...Hope you were blessed by these lyrics!! I sure was :)

burning candles

Tonight I decided to burn a candle (since I live off campus now, it's totally legal!!).  Now you must understand, this is not just any candle, it is a Glade Scented Oil Candle.  As I was opening up the package, I noticed some directions along with a few small diagrams on the box.  One particular picture caught my eye.  It showed how a normal household candle's scent only travels a few inches.  However, the Glade Scented Oil Candle's scent penetrates the entire room.  So what's my point?  As silly as this may sound, I want to be like a Glade Scented Oil Candle when it comes to my life as a Christian.  I want to walk in the room and have the sweet aroma of Christ pouring out of me and penetrating every inch of the room.  I want to be Christ to people who are hurting or in need.  I want to make an impact for His Kingdom.  LORD, use me!

Shout it out loud!

God has been teaching me a lot these past few months.  Today, as I was reading my Bible I came across Matthew 10:27, "What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops."  I have decided I need to start writing more and telling people the precious secrets God has been whispering to me.  So, here's to a fresh start!